A Bar of Iron Can be Turned into A Needle

If we have a wish, persistence, and determination, we can turn a continually rubbed bar of iron into a needle.

Once upon a time, in mainland Indonesia, there's a big tradesman named Deni who has childhood experience which could change his mindset. Here the story goes...

Once, Deni was a little boy who lived in a secluded village. He was a naughty and stubborn child, he kept leaving his reading and writing classes which he had to attend. Instead, he preferred playing around the river or just cycling around the village.

One day whilst Deni was playing around a river, he saw an old woman who was doing repeated actions endlessly. She seemed to rub something onto a stone. A couple of days later, Deni kept on seeing the same thing. This old woman activity arose his curiosity. Then, one day Deni encouraged himself to approach her and the conversation went as follows:

"Nanny, I've been watching you doing the same thing over and over again for the last couple of days. What are you doing?"

"I am rubbing this bar of iron my boy..."

Deni found himself to be even more puzzled by this answer.

"What do you want to do that for?"

"I am going to turn this bar of iron into a needle!"

Deni frowned his eyebrows in disbelief and said, "What?... That's not possible Nanny. How can you turn a bar of iron into a needle?"

The old woman answered, "As long as we have the wish, persistence, will, patience, faith, and endless effort, and keep on rubbing this bar of iron, one day this bar will turn into a needle...".

Deni was unnerved by her answer. The conversation strongly stuck into his mind and conscience. This experience really turned his mentality and made him a diligent, discipline, and responsible student. After Deni grew up he became one of the most famous tradesman and his conversation with the old woman became his life philosophy. "As long as you have determination, a bar of iron can be turned into a needle."

Next: The Barrier Stone on The Street

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Belief as Personal Constitutionality

Other way to understand belief and its implications is describing belief as personal constitutionality. A country run by following the certain rules. For what rules are made? For togetherness that we can live comfortable, secure, peaceful, and happier in the corridor that has been agreed. What would happen if we violate the rules? Surely, there are consequences. There are sanctions or penalties.

Our belief, especially core belief or value has a role as constitutionality. We live through the corridor which agreed by our constitutionality.

From one belief, it can be "developed" into a lot of rule that will affect someone's behavior. I'll give two examples of cases so that you can understand what I mean.

Let's take a notice to someone named Jaka who has belief (personal constitutionality) that said "I'm not precious and weak". Then, this personal constitutionality translated into various rules which becomes guide to set behavior strategies that aims to protect himself.

Feeling of not precious and weak reflects bad self-concept. Self-concept is belief about ourselves. Self-concept is belief which become our base of life because it forms images of self-image, weakness and strength, proficiency, feeling precious, and how do we interact to world inside and outside us.

Self-concept is our identity and it consist of three associated components: self-ideal, self-image, and self-esteem. Self-concept determines our feelings to ourselves, emotions of our lives Self-concept affects all aspects of our lives like: who we're choose to be our couple of lives, our jobs, level of achievement of lives. Self-concept determines what we expect from life, in the form of satisfaction of material, spiritual, emotion, social, relation, physical health, and etc.

Back to Jaka. His belief said that he's not precious and weak. This belief makes Jaka afraid of denial. To be "safe" and "secure", this belief develops these strategies to face denial:

1. Don't let other people know you too close.
2. Always looks dapper.
3. Avoid when there's a conflict.
4. Make everyone happy, if you're not, they will deny you.
5. You must be really competent in doing something, if you're not, people will deny you.
6. There's no one who wants to hear your story. Don't share your feelings with anyone. Don't let other people know you've ever be hurt.
7. Don't ask something. There's no one who wants to give you something.
8. Take care of yourself. No one care about you.

You can see, Jaka's belief produces/creates his own rules, which becomes his compass psychology, which gives direction how he should act, behave, and interact with other people.

Each of these rules is an adaptive strategy so that he can be "safe" and "secure". He's afraid to face denial when he interact with someone because he knows that he's not precious.

Hence, in order to make Jaka feels "secure" as "not precious" human, he must protects himself. Jaka uses those rules as shield of psychology to protect himself from denial.

How's the level of achievement of Jaka's life?

By this belief, can Jaka become a success person? How's his achievement in financial, relation, communication, business, mental, emotion, and spiritual?

As the existence of feeling not precious, he'll work hard to reach honorable position. He'll trying hard to get expensive clothes, jewelry, elegant way to talk, stability of handshake with other people, warm smile, or anything that makes other people impressed and appreciate him.

He's believe that anyone who knows him close, finally will know his real personality: weak, not precious, empty, full of fear, and powerless. Because of this "feeling not precious", Jaka will try to cover it by becoming another person. He feels difficult to close to someone. He feels that he's rightly feels loneliness. He think that no one would really love himself.

A person who have low self-esteem will scorn himself. In other words, he feels that his self-image is bad. Next, this self-image becomes base of almost all of important decision that we decide in our lives. Our self-image determines the range of views, and also determines things that we fear or avoid. If our self-image full of disability and negative things, we will feel that we don't deserve to be honored. If our self-image full of ability, positive and interested things, self-confidence, the world will look so beautiful and generous, dreams becomes easily achievable.

Now, let's take a look to another case which explain the relation between belief and rule. I have a friend named Donna who has belief said "I'm incompetent".

This belief develops these strategies that aims to protect herself from "incompetent":

1. Don't make decisions openly.
2. Don't ever chase your dream openly because you won't be able to get it.
3. Don't dream too big, because if you're failed to reach them, you can be hurt.
4. You must realize that you won't get couple of life that you're expected. So, if there's someone loves you, whoever he is, don't waste this opportunity.
5. Don't try some new things, You'll be failed and ashamed because you can't do it.
6. You better not do something because you're often failed.

Let's see, Donna's rules makes a principle that she doesn't want to take risk. These rules makes Donna become incompetent. Because of Donna expect failure and also makes wrong decision, her rules makes adaptive strategies so that Donna doesn't changes anything and defends her status quo.

One more example. A girl, just called her Hani, has beliefs about "feeling unsafe and incompetent". Hani regards herself as a weak person and easily injured. She feels that she can't face something different, whether it's feelings to her own body or challenges which she faced in her life. She regards life as dangerous thing. Combination of feeling unsafe and incompetent makes Hani strengthens the following rules:

1. Don't go to unknown places. You'll be panic.
2. Don't let other people assist you. They'll ask for rewards.
3. Don't do aerobic. Because your heart will rattle fast, and it feels strange and frightening.
   
4. Don't go by plane. Because you'll feel fears of falling and height.
5. Don't go to mall. That place is crowded and full of strange people.
6. You better buy a new car because it's rarely damaged than keep driving your old car that broke down easily.

These rules has its high value. If someone violate his rules, he'll feels that he'll get disaster, feels guilty or sin. There will be some sore feelings inside his heart.

We all know that if we jump from tenth floor of a building, we'll fall down and our body will be broken. Likewise rules. If someone violate rules which set by belief, he will feels down.

Will we really be wrecked if we violate our rules? Of course not. As the one who make that rules, we reserve the right to change the rules that are not conducive. But, many people is too love their rules so they're afraid to change or violate those rules. They identify their-self by their rules.

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Behavior

If described as iceberg, behavior is the top of the iceberg that visible by our eyes. What we say, do, how we speak, behave, interact, our reactions or responses to face a problem when interacting with the world outside ourselves is called behavior. It's appear outside. What doesn't appear is "cause" behind our behavior.

That is why in this post I deliberately didn't describe much about behavior. Behavior is just result. Result appear because there's a cause. To change behavior, we must seek and find the "motor drive" of behavior. In other words, we must find "cause" or "root cause".

If we succeeded to overcome the root problem, our behavior automatically changes. Behavior is like smoke out of the husk. To be able to stop the discharge of smoke, we must delve into the husk and find the source of fire. When we successfully turn off the fire, surely there will be no more smoke out.

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Self-Talk

Self-talk is internal dialog that happens inside us. Self-talk always happens when we interact with the environment. Self-talk serves as a bridge between the world inside and outside of ourselves. Everyone always do self-talk, whether consciously or unconsciously. Deepak Chopra, in one of his books, said that everyday we talk for about 55.000-65.000 times with ourselves.

Actually, self-talk is action that we do to interpret an event. Self-talk reflects our rule. Rule comes from belief. Belief supports value.

In other words, if we often observe our self-talk, we can learn a lot about our belief system.

The best time to observe and analyze our self-talk is when our emotion flare, or when we experience the intense emotion. This emotion is the result from interpretation. Interpretation comes from our belief.

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The Important Principle of Value

To recognize and understand more about value, there are eight important principles we should know and note:

1. Value is a filter that operates in subconscious that determine our focus and how we utilize times.

According to its definitions, value is what we believe as something valuable, precious, important, or significant in our life. Value lies in subconscious mind and determine our focus. Thing that we appraise valuable or precious will get priority attention from us, while things that we appraise less valuable or precious will get less attention and it's affects our time management.

For example, I feel that reading books and keep learning as valuable things for me. Learn and read are part of actualization process of myself.

Because that things are very important for me, I will spent my times to keep reading books and studying. If there's any choice between playing playstation and reading books, what do I choose? Of course I will choose reading books. For me, playing playstation is just wasting time and useless.

But, not necessarily the same as other people. There are people who don't like to read books. They prefer to play playstation. For them, playing playstation is more important, more entertaining than reading books which just makes eyes sleepy.

Who is the most correct in this case? No one is right or wrong. Remember, value is other form of belief. Each one has different personal belief and always feels right through their own belief.

2. We're use value to evaluate action.

Value stands as mental balance. Every action always be evaluated by value. There's value which encourages us to do something. Then, action we've done will be valuated by other values.

Value is also often called as conscience by people.

For concrete example. You feel togetherness or family time is important. On the other side, you feel that giving prosperous living to your family is also important too. Then one day, you have to do business presentation in out town. If your proposal accepted, you will achieve very much money. Evidently, it's the same day with your child's birthday and you've promised to attend on his birthday party. Your child crave your presence.

What will you do? Whatever your choice, it will conduce a conflict inside yourself. If you decide to do business presentation in out town, how's your feeling to your child and family? Surely, there's a guilt, isn't it? Especially when you're call him and give happy birthday greeting, your child's crying sad because you're not attend beside him to celebrate the important moment in his life.

On the contrary, if you decide to attend on your child birthday party, you won't do business presentation and you miss a big opportunity to produce much money, how's your feeling? Surely, there's deep regret because you're miss it. Besides, the obtained money will also be used for the welfare of your family.

Essentially, if you feel there's a conflict inside yourself, that's the sign of value's conflict.

3. Value is source of motivation.

Motivation is feeling of enthusiasm, interest, encouragement, or commitment to make someone wants to do something. What can make us motivated to do something? Anything that we feel as very important, valuable, valuable, or significant, will be the source of intrinsic motivation that never off.

4. Value arranged in a hierarchy.

Have you ever face a difficult condition when you have to make a choice of two things that you feel both of them are equal importance?

After considering and thinking, finally you make a decision. What do you think and how do you consider which one is the more important so that you decide to choose one of two choices?

When you're confused to decide a choice, you experienced value's conflict. What caused this value's conflict? Because your value of those two choices are equal importance.

But, at the other time, have you ever faced with two choices, but you can make a decision very quickly?

I'm sure you have. Why you can decide quickly? Because your value of those two choices occupy hierarchy that has different level.

For concrete example. Your parents got dangerous disease. You have fairy pill that can heal their disease. The problem is you're only have one fairy pill. To whom you will give this fairy pill? Your dad or mom? Can you feel how difficult it is to make decisions in a situation like this?

Why it's difficult? Because for most people, mom and dad are equal importance.

The situation would be different if evidently your dad (or mom) and your friend who are got that disease. To whom you will give the fairy pill? Of course you'll give to your dad or mom. Why it's not your friend? Because inside your hierarchy value, parents occupy higher level than your friend. In other words, parents more valuable or more precious than your friend.

5. Value can cause a self-conflict

Self-conflict -- like what I describe above -- occur because we're not clearly specify hierarchy of value.

This self-conflict will be main obstacle in achieving success of a life goal.

Many people underestimate this self-conflict. I'll explain about self-conflict separately.

6. Value can be changed

Along with the development of intellectual, mental, emotional, and spiritual, we're also experiencing growth and development of value. Something in the past which we felt important, can be not important anymore now. Also on the contrary, something in the past which we felt not important, evidently become so important now.

7. Belief follow value that we hold.

Each value is always supported by a group of belief that are in accordance with value. A few times ago, I had a dinner with my friend that a vegetarian a.k.a ciak jhai. When I was be asked, "Farlo, can you eat vegetarian foods?" "Of course I can. I'm a chiak jing jhai too" I answered. "What is chiak jing hai?" He asked me with confused face. "Ah, it's jing jhai-jing jhai chiak a.k.a omnivora a.k.a can eat anything" I answered with smile.

I know, there's should be a reason that cause my friend decide to become a vegetarian. There's should be certain value that become his motivation source. Then I look for his value.

Evidently, his value is in accordance with his dogma. In other words, the reason why he decide to become a vegetarian is avoid the occurrence of living beings murder.

What belief which underlie that value? His belief is each living beings has its own life and they have right to live. No one may take the life of living beings, whatever the reason is. The one who may take the life of living beings is the one who give them this life, he's God. God is kind and never teach us to killing other living beings. And many other beliefs which supported that value.

8. Every area of life has its own value.

We have very much value. At every aspect of life, there's a value which used as a guidance. Those aspect of life consist of spiritual, financial, wealth, social, recreation, carrier/business, self-development, and relationship.

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Value

What is value? What's the difference with belief or rule?

Belief is something we believe as the truth through our thoughts. Rule is belief in the form of a set of rules that determine whether we've feel achieved value/important things or not.


While value is what we believe as something valuable, precious, important, or significant in our life. Value is formed from belief, which is the meaning of life experience that has loads of very strong emotion, whether it's positive or negative emotion. Changing value is much more difficult than changing belief, because actually, value is the other name of core belief.

Simply, value is something important or valuable for us. Something important or valuable is very personal and subjective for each person. Everyone has different value. Essentially, value is emotion condition which we believe as important emotion to be experienced or avoided.

There are 3 period of forming value. First period at the age of 0-7 years old. Second period at the age of 7-14 years old. Third period at the age of 14-21 years old.

It's same like forming process of belief that I've described here and here, because value is other form of belief. Each value is certainly supported by specific beliefs.

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Rule

While belief established, we need a set of rules as a communication bridge to connecting our belief with the world outside ourselves.

Rule also called as Threshold Belief. It is a set of rules to be able to know "do we've received a certain value?". Threshold belief or rule is also a measure for us to measure how successful we are in achieving value or goal that we want in life. Many people seem successful, but doesn't feel happy because they didn't determine the definitive standard of their success measure.

For example: financial freedom is important value for us.

Question to reveal how we can reach financial freedom is "How do we know if we have achieved financial freedom (or other value)?"

Maybe your answer is:

"I feel I have achieved financial freedom if I have income $...../month."

"I feel I have achieved financial freedom if I have income $..... in my bank account."

"I feel I have achieved financial freedom if I have a house worth $....."


What is actually measured by rule? Rule is requirement that we set so that we can feel certain emotion of a condition. Before that requirement was fulfilled, those emotion -- whether it's positive or negative -- can't be perceived or experienced.

Now, try to answer these questions below:


I feel happy if ......................................................
I feel prosperous if .............................................
I feel disappointed if ..........................................
I feel beautiful/handsome if ..............................
I feel smart if .......................................................
I feel beloved if ...................................................
I feel success if ....................................................


These are the examples of rule that I get from people around me which I've been asked:



Ms. Helen feels unhappy

One of my neighbor named Ms.Helen has ever said to me "Farlodrian, I feel that my life is unhappy. I'm frustrated and can't have fun like most of my friends."

When I heard this grievance, I knew that there's a lack of her rule about "happiness". Then I asked her, "Ms. Helen, what's the requirements to make you feel happy?"

"What do you mean?" Ms.Helen asked me.

"Please don't be confused. Try to finish this sentence," I answered while I gave the sentence she had to finish. What's the sentence?

"I feel happy if ..........................?"

What's Ms. Helen's answer?

"I feel happy if my husband is at home every night, my children are always listen of what I said, and I have a house like my sister-in-law."

Readers, from these answers we can see how difficult to be able to make her happy. Unconsciously, Ms. Helen has been set three requirements that must be fulfilled to be able to make her happy. Even if there's only one requirement that has not been fulfilled, she certainly can't feel happy.

What's the requirements?

First, her husband should be at home every night. This is the most difficult to be happen. Her husband is a sales manager who often go out town. This requirement is so difficult to be fulfilled because there are words "every night". It's impossible for her husband to be at home every night.

Second, her children are always listen of what she said. It's not too difficult to be fulfilled. It can be regulated.

Third, she have a house like her sister-in-law. It's so difficult to be fulfilled. Her sister-in-law are very rich. She have a very big house, there's a swimming pool inside, while the financial condition of Ms. Helen is much lower than her sister-in-law.

After I successfully reveal the rule that doesn't make her happy, then I offer a solution. I ask Ms. Helen to modify her rules so that the requirements can be easy to fulfilled. I offer a new rule. " I feel happy if I decide to feel happy, anytime and anywhere."



The Depression of Lukman

I've ever talking with one of my close friend named Lukman. He's feels so depression. I keep asked over and over to him to find root of his problem. Finally, I found that Lukman was experienced many disappointment in his life.

Then I look for his rule about "disappointment". What did I find?

Evidently, Lukman's rule said "I feel disappointed if people criticize my ideas or opinions."

Then I look for his rule over and over again, but with a new word "criticism". Lukman answered "I feel criticized if people didn't concur with my idea, viewpoint, and explanation."

No wonder if Lukman was experienced many disappointment. Every time he talked with someone who has different opinion with him, he felt critized. Next, this rule "critized" will activate other rule, it was "disappointment".



Irma is always feel poor

When I asked about rule "rich" to my cousin named Irma, she answered "I feel rich if I have money for about ten billion rupiahs (approximately same with $1.000.000) in my bank account."

I was quite surprised to hear her rule about it. Then I asked, "Where did you get belief that said you feel rich if you have money for about ten billion rupiahs?"

"Because I read some self-help/motivational books state that someone can be stated as rich people if he/she has property at least ten bilion rupiahs," Irma answered.

what the consequences of this rule?

During she could not collect the money for about ten billion rupiahs, he will always feel not rich a.k.a poor. It will harm herself.

Why it can harm herself?

Rich was started from our own mindset. As long as she feels she's poor, she will be poor.

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Global Belief

Global belief is belief which cope sub-belief. Global belief is a generalization about people, money, life, work, type of opponent, the world, and life in general.

To be able to understand how belief work, we need to understand that in every word or sentence -- if we analyze -- will contain two structures of meaning. First, surface structure. Second, deep structure.

Please spend a little time to finish the sentences below. Take your paper and pen. Then copy the following sentences and complete it relaxed. Don't be too serious while you think about it. When you read the sentences below, just write anything comes from your mind.

Remember, once again, you don't need to analyze anything.

Life is .....................................................................
Money is ................................................................
Love is ...................................................................
Success is ..............................................................
Husband/Wife is ..................................................
Son/Daughter is ...................................................

Have you finished this task? If you haven't, my advice is "please don't continue reading, please finish this task first". If you've finished it, let's continue.

Let's analyze some answer that I often get from some people who ever been asked by me. When I ask, "Life Is ........", then I get the answers:

1. Life is a suffering.
2. Life is a struggle.
3. Life is activity before death.
4. Life is a journey.
5. Life is something that changes and grows.
6. Life is a maturity process.
7. Life is process of growth and development.
8. Life is a series of experience.
9. Life is a grace of God.
10. Life is process of searching self-identity.
11. Life is a movement, not a halt.
12. Life is a challenge.
13. Life is a game.
14. Life is a beautiful melody to be enjoyed.
15. Life is boring.
16. Life is a blessing from God that must be filled with precious things for ourselves and the others.

Can you feel the difference of life quality from each people which give me the answers above?


Let's analyze statement "Life is a suffering".

Surface Structure:
My life isn't fun because I always get suffering

Deep Structure, among other:

1. Life is useless, because I'll never be happy.
   
2. Anything I do won't change my suffering.
3. My suffering will end when I die.
4. It's truly a great misfortune and bad luck because I was born as a human.
5. I hate myself, my family, and everyone.
6. Society and environment is dangerous and wild place.
7. Married is useless because finally I'll keep unhappy.

How about the statement "Life is a blessing from God that must be filled with precious things for ourselves and the others"?

Surface Structure:
Life is a gift that should be used as well as possible.

Deep Structure, among other:

1. God is omniscient and majestic.
2. I was a special person because I get blessing from God.
3. I am so grateful because I was born as a human.
4. Life is an opportunity to develop myself.
5. Life is an opportunity to do goodness for the others.
6. I study and work seriously.
7. If I'm failed, I will keep on trying until it's done.
8. I certainly can.

How about the statement "Money is the root of all evil"?

Surface Structure:
Money is not good.

Deep Structure, among other:

1. Money will be a stumbling block.
2. Money is a bad influence.
3. I didn't want to be rich, because the richer I am, the more money I have, it means I am an evil.
4. Rich people usually are evil.
5. Poor people usually are good people.
6. Rich people must be punished because they're evil. Poor people should be defended because they're good people.
7. Rich people doesn't have spirituality, poor people have high spirituality.
8. There's a time when rich people will go to hell, poor people will go to heaven.
9. No need to study or work seriously because if I get much money, I'm afraid I'll be an evil.
10. I'll be looking for job that give me a little salary.

Global belief can be strengthen or weaken. Therefore, make sure to choose belief that strengthening you, example:

1. Money gives me freedom and choices to reach intellectual, material, and spiritual potential.
2. Life is a gift and give me chances to make positive difference in the world.

These are the examples of global belief that I get from people around me. You can feel and analyze the effects of each belief:

Money is:

1. Symbol of success or wealth.
2. The output of dream.
3. Something that's easy to get for my happiness and my family.
4. Dream to be realized.
5. Tool to achieve the satisfaction of living.
6. Necessity.
7. Property.

Love is:

1. Beautiful affection.
2. Something that's very meaningful.
3. Part of ourselves that needs friendship, relationship, comitment, loyalty, and desire to beatify ourselves and the others.
4. True-hearted feeling from deep inside heart.
5. Honey from the affection.
6. Force of life.

Husband/Wife is:

1. Wife is the heart moorings.
2. The soul in achieving goals.
3. Friend in achieving various success.
4. Symbol of success family.
5. Friend in love and grief.
6. Friend to share feelings.
7. Husband is the cash machine.

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Control Belief or Being Controlled by Belief

"After we create our beliefs (consciously or unconsciously), our beliefs will create us"

~Farlodrian~

Belief determines our reality and it works as a lens that we use to regard experiences, other people, world, ourselves, and global life. Belief underlie any decisions, choices, attitudes, actions, and our behavior.

Because of belief is affects our lives strongly, we need to really understand its mechanism or how it works. When belief was formed, the longer its effect will be more powerful, next, our life will only run what has been "written" in our belief. More terrible, belief applies as living creatures that will defend their existence in any way.

For more details on how does belief works, learn on image below.

The above diagram shows that value is the actual core. Actually, value is also belief. We will discuss about Global belief, value, rules, self-talk, and behavior in detail and separately.

Click on the title below to read in detail. I recommended you to read in sequence.

Global Belief

Rule

Value

Self-Talk

Behavior

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Your Belief in Various Aspects of Life -Questionnaire-

"It's my belief that sanity lies in realizing that reality is not exactly what we had in mind"

~Roy Blount, Jr.~

I would like to give questionnaire that you can fill in. No need to be too serious when filling. No answer is right or wrong. There are two purposes of this questionnaire. First, you'll be more understand about belief, or at least this questionnaire will open your mind to recognize belief in various aspects of life. Second, you'll know where is your position at this time.

Once again, remember, no answer is right or wrong. To get maximum result, you need to answer this questionnaire honestly based on your condition at this time.

You can download the questionnaire in PDF format here

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How Does Belief Survived and Grew?

When belief has been set or established, there are two natural processes which works to maintain this belief survival. First process called confirmatory bias. Confirmatory bias is our tendency to just receive or take notice information that matches to our belief. If this information doesn”t match or even contradict to our belief, we’ll ignore this information. Whereas, this information isn’t necessarily wrong.

So, this process functioned as filter that determine the selection of units of information that we received. Confirmatory bias is also called subjective validation or personal validation effect.

One thing that I need to clarify is actually there’s no positive or negative belief. All belief — if we examine deeply — actually has positive purpose for us. A way to evaluate belief is by observe its effect to our-self. Positive belief is belief which support our achievement of success, while negative belief is belief which hamper our achievement of success.

Before you learn the pictures below, remember, each belief has supported foots which prove it is right or true. That supported foots of justification can be some data or fact from any source, whether it’s credible or not, personal someone’s opinion, the conclusion that we make to an accident or occurrence, a meaning which we set to an accident we saw or receive, assumptions, or any information that we receive or we believe its truth.

The image above shows the units of information that is not match with belief X will be rejected and can't join to belief X box. The difference form between information unit and parts of belief which can receive and catch information is called confirmatory bias. Hence, these information will be ignored by selection process, and won't be recorded in memory.

The same thing happen to someone who has belief Y. Through mechanism of confirmatory bias, they're only remember data/information unit which match or support their viewpoint.

By two illustrations above, now you can understand how you've ever felt "stuck" or "outwit" by your own belief while it formed. The actual happening is you're just actively notice everything that match to your "internal reality" which you've been appointed.

Second mechanism that support survival of belief called mental compass. This mental compass is psychological path that will be used by someone when he's encountered difficult, uncertain, or confusing situation.

For example. If you can't apprehend a situation, or feeling anxious, you'll start to search memories, minds, assumptions, or information that similar to this situation, so you'll be assisted to make decision. Belief is mental compass which help you to make decision when you're get uncertain situation.

Concrete example? E.g, suddenly, you're asked to speak in public. You don't have a time to do some rehearsal. When you're feeling depressed or confused, your mind will directly search memories, information, or assumptions which considered to be relevant through this situation. Perhaps, you're remember the past, a few years ago, when you've ever been asked to speak in a meeting forum. At that time, although you've prepared yourself very well, you're still felt not confident, so you can't speak at all. You're become very ashamed.

Then now you think "At that time, when I've prepared myself to speak, I still can't speak. Moreover now, I have no preparation at all, I'm sure it will be more confusing, then more shameful." This mental image will directly make you worry and feel that you can't do this, then you decide to not speak in public. Then you're keep forced or induced to speak in public. Your belief will make you difficult, tense, or not confident to talk, then finally it becomes like you're believe in since a few years ago, that is "I can't speak in public". By this experience, you get one more supported leg which confirming and more strengthening this belief.

It also can be explained using the diagram below

Explanation of diagram above. Negative belief said "I can't speak in public". By this belief, we'll eschew if we're asked to speak in public. If we're still be induced to speak in public, efforts to prepare our-self won't be done maximally. So, what efforts for if we're "already know" that we'll "never be able to" speak in public?

Certainly, those efforts will give results that are not maximal too. When we're speak in public, we'll be speechless, tremble, and the words we say become confusing so we'll be look shameful. Right, once again, we get a proof that we're not capable to speak in public. Then, this result strengthening our negative belief. As well as further. The longer, this belief will be stronger than before.

The same principle applies to positive belief. Positive belief will make us do maximal efforts. This maximal efforts gives results as we expect. These results will strengthening our positive belief. The longer -- by this pattern -- our belief will be stronger.


Now the question is, "What kind of belief that we have? How does belief can affects and determines the way we think, our perception, and the way of our life?"

The answer is here

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Next Period

After passing through the first three years, with the “supplies” that they receive from their parents and environment, children develop themselves further.

At this time — the second three years, conscious mind of a child began to formed. Mental filter that has been formed will keep growing strong as long as his life. Mind absorbs any information quickly, and then it begins to analyze. Every information that comes in — but doesn’t match with mind database, will be doubt based on the truth that we believe. At this time, mind of a child won’t refused any information data even it doesn’t match with what they have known before, his mind is just doubt it.

When a child was 8 years old, this mental filter was growing thick and belief that has been formed will be very strong. This mental filter will growing very very thick when he’s 13 years old.

At the next ages, belief modification will get a great resistance from subconscious mind. It will be very hard to change belief if we use ordinary ways, because the conscious mind has been able to make resistances and reject any efforts to change belief.

For convenience, remember the following three periods. First, at the age of 0-7 years old, called “planting time”. Parents and environment are major influence of belief patterns from subconscious mind of a child. The second period, at the age of 7-14 years old, is a modeling period. A child will adopts belief from someone that he admires or loves. Third Period, 14-21 years old, is a social period. A child learns and adopts belief from his friends, interact with other adults except his parents, television, Internet, newspaper, etc. At this period, a child will determine what belief that he will accepts or rejects by his own-self.

Belief Is Like A Table

For convenience to learn belief, imagine belief is like a table. Table can’t strongly stand up and can’t called as a table if there are no legs. If there are many table legs, that table will be strongly stand up, and of course it will be hard to be downed.

Actually, belief is only a concept that we truly believe. In order to believe something is true or right, we need supported data that we consider it’s “valid”, so we’ll agree and accept it as a truth.

Where are that supported data comes from?

Its source can be various. When we’re still a child, that data comes from — especially– our parents, or someone close to us, or maybe our nanny.

When we’re quite mature, that data comes from our environment, example: other family or teachers. When we’re more mature, source of that data can be unlimited. It can be from our own experiences, other person experiences, television, Internet, magazines, newspapers, seminars, books, public speakers, authorities, pastors, bible, and many more.

Shad Helmstetter in his book “What to Say When You Talk to Yourself” explains that generally people at the ages of 0-18 years old, who live in a enough positive family, listen to negative words (like “no!”, “may not!”, “can not!”, “don’t!”, “you can’t!”, “don’t try”, “you would be failed”, etc) more than 148.000 times. If he’s lucky because of his parents are so positive, he’ll listen to negative words 100.000 times.

So, Can you imagine how powerful the effects of environment programming, especially home environment. This programming usually called enviromental hypnosis and its effect is very powerful because it’s done systematically and continuously.

However, if we look in detail, the process of establishing belief certainly in one, two, three, or all the way from fifth way below:

1. Repetition

An information that repeated many times, sooner or later, will be received as the truth by our mind. This is the most widely used to feed our mind and belief. Now you know why advertisements in television or radio repeated many times?

The purpose of repetition is penetrate mental filter that installed in conscious mind, until information can enter subconscious mind.

This way usually explained in self-help books or motivation seminars that teach us to read affirmation over and over, in order to make that affirmation can enter subconscious mind.

2. Group or Family Identification

Things trusted by our group or family will enter our-self and we’ll adopt it as our belief.

It’s also a technique frequently used in ads. They often use expressions like: “almost all families in the world using soap branded X” or “intelligent mother is a mother who gives formula milk branded Z to her baby.

The question is “are almost all families in the world using soap branded X?” Is it true if a mother can be called as intelligent mom if she gives milk branded Z to her baby?”

I think, an intelligent mother is a mother who won’t be affected by that ad and decided to give exclusive breastfeeding to her baby.

3. Statements Presented by Authority Figures

Be careful of authority figures like celebrity, doctor, public speaker, book authors, or everyone considered as authorities. Anything that they said easily tend to penetrate subconscious mind and accepted as truth or belief.

In the world of public speaking in my country (Indonesia), there’s a public speaker who confess as a directly students of Anthony Robbins (famous public speaker and author of best seller book “Awaken the Giant Within”) and John Grinder & Richard Bandler (founder of “Neuro Linguistic Programming” or “NLP”). Each of their ads in the mass media is always use tittle “Directly Student”.

Why those public speakers confess as “directly student”? Right, the aim is borrowing the credibility and authority of their “teachers”. Public that are less critical will be blinded by famous name of their teachers, and believing anything that those public speakers said.

We need to examine, are those public speaker really directly educate one on one, or just attending workshops and seminars that those masters organized, and also attended by hundreds and even thousands of other participants, in just one or two days?

I’ve read an ad in the mass media in Indonesia that there are two public speakers who have same claim that both of them are directly students of Anthony Robbins, and they’re put on their photo side by side with their “teachers”.

Even, when I was listening to the radio, I’ve ever found someone asking a hypnotherapist like this, “Sir, as a person who understand much about hypnosis and hypnotherapist, I want to ask you. I’ve watched in television where there’s other public speaker said that hypnosis can damage our brain. Is it true?

OMG, this is very misleading information. It’s wrong that hypnosis can damage brain. Logically, if it’s true that hypnosis can damage our brain, why hypnosis isn’t prohibited in U.S?

For people that aren’t critical, this information will be received as truth because a popular public speaker who explain it. So, be careful and vigilant.

4. The Intense Emotion

When an incident experienced by the intense emotion, it will be easy to be formed as a belief.

One example of belief that comes from intense emotion is when a child looks sad and scared because he often watch his parents quarrel each other caused by money, then this child will believe that money is the source of problems in his family. So, this child develop his-self with belief that resist him in financial sector.

Do you remember when Pepsi using Michael Jackson playing emotion of his fans, then this emotion anchored by Pepsi?

Emotion opens the gate of subconscious mind. The more intense the emotions experienced by someone, the more open the gate of subconscious mind. Thus, the incident experienced by someone — which entrance to his mind in the form of unique information units — will be recorded very strong in memory, in subconscious mind, followed by strong emotion.

5. Alpha Condition (Hypnosis)

It is a natural condition of children. Caused by they’re often operating their-self in alpha condition, children are very easily to be suggested. Anything entered into their subconscious mind — by suggestion — will be fully received and become a truth.

Have you ever asked the truth about Herbal Essence as a luscious shampoo? Personally, I doubt that its role models use that shampoo to make their hair like we often saw in TV commercial.

Belief consist of a set of memory divided into two parts: positive and negative. This grouping works to help us make decisions.

For example, we experience an accident. That accident always be tend positive or negative. What happen is mind — by using belief database — will decide and give a meaning for that accident.

Thus, we will be able quickly to understand an accident as something potentially positive or negative, safe or dangerous, good or bad, and can or can not be solved. By doing this, we actually predict or prognosticate a result. Our belief is applying like crystal ball that helps us to predict “future”.

So, formation of belief is a process that can’t be avoided and it works sustainable. Belief helps us to compare the situation between present and past. Belief helps us to predict result and helps us to make decision based on a number of information unit which grouped based on big themes in our life.

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Critical Period at The First Three Years

"Beware of your words"

~Farlodrian~

Many parents are less or even not serious at all to mental development of their children in the first three years.

Most of parents busy with their job only and entrust education of their children to baby sitter, other family members, or even Television.

Why this first three years is very important?

During the early life of a child — especially the first three years, conscious mind of a child hasn’t been evolved. At this period, a child only operated pure by subconscious mind Because conscious mind — which functions as a mental filter — is not yet active. Any experience and all impressions that he received from his fifth sense will be permeated 100% percent, whether it is good or bad.

Technically, any experience of a child that I describe above is called imprint. Konrad Lorenz defining imprint as a significant event from the past in which you formed a belief or a cluster of beliefs.

Imprint refers to a very strong process of planting the idea or concept to subconscious mind, so it influences our pattern of behavior, our thought, and our feeling.

Imprint can occur at any age. However, the most effective period for imprint is a time when mental filter of a human hasn’t been formed, it’s at the first three years of a human’s life and continued with the second three years.

To be able to go to subconscious mind, to create the occurrence of imprint, that ideas or concepts should be repeated, or just only once, when someone is experiencing the intense emotion of a condition.

The example of imprint that we often face is, “You’re a lazy child.” “You’re a foolish child”, or “You can’t do anything.”

Any experience that a child received at this time will enter his memory, and then it will be used to develop himself in the second three years — when he’s four until six years old.

As a baby, before we can speak well, we learn the world and its contents through the tools to create perception, which consists of: five sense, emotional, and focus attention.

What happens if the incoming data is data that doesn’t support their development-self?

We’ll see. In the vocabulary of computer, there’s a term named GIGO, which is stands for Garbage In Garbage Out. In other words, if the incoming data is bad, so the output is certainly bad too. Otherwise, if the incoming data is good, most likely the output is also good.

I say “most likely” because the process of development of a child affected by many factors. Imagine, even good input still can’t guarantee a child will behave well.

Remember! Whatever we said to a child — either verbal or non verbal (body language)– will be permeated 100% by that child. So, you can imagine what happens if a child raised in a family who usually use the negative-sentences to motivate their children, such as: “You foolish child. You are always filthy,” “You never can do it well.”

P.S: Don't Forget to Read "Next Period" too

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Construction Process of Belief

What is the actual meaning of belief? This is also a question that I asked to myself many years ago. Many people talking about belief, but I’m not satisfied with their explanation.

According to the Encarta encyclopedia, belief means:

1. Acceptance of the truth of something: acceptance by thoughts that something is true or real, often based on feelings of a certain emotional or spiritual.
2. Believe that someone or something is good or effective.

Simply, belief is something that we truly believe. Once we believe something as the right thing, we will be hard to change that faith. Why? Because that’s our destiny as human beings. Do you still remember about homeostasis that I describe here?

Belief is no more than a claim or statement or idea. You can say, “We can make a claim or statement without believing it. It means, we doubt or don’t believe what we say.”

You’re right. To ensure a statement can be categorized as belief, it must have two elements: a claim and response to that claim. Response to that claim is “this statement is true”. We called it as the “agreement”.

So, needed two things to be able to have belief: claims/ideas and approval. For convenience, take notice to the following equation:

Idea/Claim/Statement + Approval = Belief

From the equation above, we can see that statement/idea and agreement are two different things. And also, we can feel that our agreement has different strength level. If we have higher strength level of agreement of a statement/idea, then our belief will be stronger to that statement/idea.

For example. We often hear people say, “It’s very easy.” The actual meaning behind this statement is, “my agreement to this statement is very strong”.

Is the matter of belief can be explained as simple as that? Of course it’s not. When belief established to belief systems, the matter become complex. We can examine the structure of belief systems by regard how the components (each belief) mutually interact.

So, belief certainly have a number of pattern associations (relationships) inside our mind acquired through experience based on internal or external stimulus that predicts a response or a specific result.

Before we talk more about what is belief, impact of belief to our lives, and how do we change or upgrade our belief, we will discuss the process of forming belief first.

Where belief come from? Why do we have belief that support and hinder us?

We learn and accept belief from our culture, our family, social and psychological programming, mass media, and from various experiences in our lives.

We’re born with no belief at all. Belief that all we have at this time, grown into very strong belief based on the development process of our lives, start from since we’re still a baby until now. We’re born without belief about ourselves and about people around us.

We learn, creating belief, value, goal, lifestyle, even our limited paradigm from our environment. Any experiences will go into subconscious mind and become mind program. The psychologist call this mind program as life script.

Readers, do you believe that belief can be planted in child’s mind since they’re still in their mother’s womb?

One thing you should know is, based on research conducted by Masters of Mind Technology including the hypnotherapist, I’ve founded an important fact.

What is it?

Evidently, mind or memory of a human being is perfectly active when he was still inside womb. Specifically, when pregnancy was started from three months, the memory of a newborn baby can record any experience that he’s got or felt.

A child who’s unwanted by his parents, a child who’s regarded as a burden by his parents, a child who ever planned to be aborted, parents who wanted a son but bear a daughter, all of this will be discovered by that child and entered into his mind.

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Mindset: Mind to Setting Your Mind?

"Change your beliefs and you change your destiny"

~Sterling W. Sill~

Many people talk about Mindset, but honestly, only a few who truly understand the meaning of word "mindset". When I ask "what is mindset?" to the fans of various motivated books and seminars, the answer I frequently get are: "Mindset is mindset. Mindset is the attitude. Mindset is the key of success. Mindset is the way we think."

Mindset is made up of two words:


Mind

1. Seat of thought and memory, the center of consciousness that generates thoughts, feelings, ideas, and perceptions, and stores knowledge and memories.

Set

1. A preference of increased ability in a particular activity.
2. Condition of solidity.

Mindset

1. Beliefs that affect someone's attitude, a set of belief or a way of thinking that determine somebody's behavior and outlook.
2. A fixed mental attitude or disposition that predetermines a person's response to an interpretations of situations.

From the definition above, we know that mindset is belief, or set of belief, or a way of thinking that influence someone’s behavior and attitudes, and finally, it will determine the level of success in their life (read: fate). So, if we want to change our mindset, we should actually change our belief or set of belief.

Did you know? That the meaning of attitude is personal view of something/an opinion or general feeling about something. In other words, attitude influence our feelings or emotions at a time.

Now, the question is “Why so many people is very difficult to change?” In order to understand it, I will explain what I’ve learned from a Transformational Thinking Master, Dr. Bill Gould.

Triune Human System

According to the philosophy of Transformational Thinking, human consists of three systems: Behavior System, Thinking System, and Belief System.

Behavior system is our way to interact with the outside world and interact with reality as well as we understand our own reality. Our behavior influences our experience, as well as vice versa. Next, this experience will affect our thinking system. If someone tries to change our system behavior, we usually will decline and angry.

Thinking System work as a two-way filter to translate the various events or experiences, so that become our belief. Then it will affect our behavior, that create reality for ourselves. By learning the skills of thinking in a new way, we can change our belief and behavior system.

Belief system is the core of everything we believe as reality, truth, values of life, and everything that we know about this world. So difficult to change it.

Readers, try to imagine the following situation. You find a cave that contains a lot of treasure trove box. The problem is, each box is made from iron which is very thick and locked with strong padlocks. You can not open these padlock without using the match keys.

Then, you’re follow the instructions of treasure trove map that you’re bring, eventually you find some padlock keys stored behind a secret chamber.

A new problem has come. You’re find 10 bundle of key, and each bundle contains 500 keys that have similar shape.

What will you do? Do you want to try to enter each key? How long does it take to be able to open that treasure trove box?

How do you feel when, in fact, you don’t need to try all the keys to enter each padlock? What if you’re also find — in other secret chamber — a master key that can be used to open all of padlocks. Do you still want to try to open these padlock with that 10 bundle of key ? I hope not.

Do you know, what’s the content of treasure trove that I describe above? Is it golden, jewel, or other valuable material? It’s more than gold and diamond, it’s potential-self . Right, potential-self. If we can open, recognize, develop, and exploit these potential-self that locked in a treasure trove box of mind, and locked by the padlock of stupidity, ignorance, and passivity — strengthened with various bad concept of life and negative beliefs — we will experience the transformation and revolution in all aspect of our lives.

Belief is the master key to the extraordinary, effective, efficient and permanent transformation. When our belief changed, self-talk, perceptions, emotions, and our paradigm will be changed. Thus, our behavior will also change.

Can we change our belief easily?

Hmmm….. maybe yes, maybe no…

It’s easy if we know how, and it’s hard if we don’t know.

There are several factors that cause changes are very difficult or even impossible to be done:

1. We feel we don’t have a problem
2. We want to change, but we don’t know how
3. We didn’t want to change, even though we know how
4. We’re afraid, maybe a change will bring negative impact to us
5. We don’t know the right way to be able to enter unconscious mind
6. The way we used to modify belief is less precise, or even incorrect.

All obstacles in the process of change — whether we face it intentionally or unintentionally — are the result of the biggest power in human behavior, named homeostasis.

Homeostasis is the tendency to always stay in the same position. Homeostasis isn’t bad, because it intends to protect ourselves from the sudden change that we don’t want — due to bad influences of someone else or bad environment. However, homeostasis can be a resistor when we want to change ourselves for better purpose. This means homeostasis will keep watch our central balance in mind. This central balance called comfort zone.

Any changes that we do will get resistance from homestasis. The amount of rejection can be measured with the intensity of discomfort feelings when the changes will be implemented.

Resistance is a defense mechanism of subconscious mind which intends to protect ourselves from discomfort situation.

Actually, changes isn’t painful thing. Resistance to this process is the reason why it feels like something painful.

Next: Construction Process of Belief

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