A Bar of Iron Can be Turned into A Needle

If we have a wish, persistence, and determination, we can turn a continually rubbed bar of iron into a needle.

Once upon a time, in mainland Indonesia, there's a big tradesman named Deni who has childhood experience which could change his mindset. Here the story goes...

Once, Deni was a little boy who lived in a secluded village. He was a naughty and stubborn child, he kept leaving his reading and writing classes which he had to attend. Instead, he preferred playing around the river or just cycling around the village.

One day whilst Deni was playing around a river, he saw an old woman who was doing repeated actions endlessly. She seemed to rub something onto a stone. A couple of days later, Deni kept on seeing the same thing. This old woman activity arose his curiosity. Then, one day Deni encouraged himself to approach her and the conversation went as follows:

"Nanny, I've been watching you doing the same thing over and over again for the last couple of days. What are you doing?"

"I am rubbing this bar of iron my boy..."

Deni found himself to be even more puzzled by this answer.

"What do you want to do that for?"

"I am going to turn this bar of iron into a needle!"

Deni frowned his eyebrows in disbelief and said, "What?... That's not possible Nanny. How can you turn a bar of iron into a needle?"

The old woman answered, "As long as we have the wish, persistence, will, patience, faith, and endless effort, and keep on rubbing this bar of iron, one day this bar will turn into a needle...".

Deni was unnerved by her answer. The conversation strongly stuck into his mind and conscience. This experience really turned his mentality and made him a diligent, discipline, and responsible student. After Deni grew up he became one of the most famous tradesman and his conversation with the old woman became his life philosophy. "As long as you have determination, a bar of iron can be turned into a needle."

Next: The Barrier Stone on The Street

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Belief as Personal Constitutionality

Other way to understand belief and its implications is describing belief as personal constitutionality. A country run by following the certain rules. For what rules are made? For togetherness that we can live comfortable, secure, peaceful, and happier in the corridor that has been agreed. What would happen if we violate the rules? Surely, there are consequences. There are sanctions or penalties.

Our belief, especially core belief or value has a role as constitutionality. We live through the corridor which agreed by our constitutionality.

From one belief, it can be "developed" into a lot of rule that will affect someone's behavior. I'll give two examples of cases so that you can understand what I mean.

Let's take a notice to someone named Jaka who has belief (personal constitutionality) that said "I'm not precious and weak". Then, this personal constitutionality translated into various rules which becomes guide to set behavior strategies that aims to protect himself.

Feeling of not precious and weak reflects bad self-concept. Self-concept is belief about ourselves. Self-concept is belief which become our base of life because it forms images of self-image, weakness and strength, proficiency, feeling precious, and how do we interact to world inside and outside us.

Self-concept is our identity and it consist of three associated components: self-ideal, self-image, and self-esteem. Self-concept determines our feelings to ourselves, emotions of our lives Self-concept affects all aspects of our lives like: who we're choose to be our couple of lives, our jobs, level of achievement of lives. Self-concept determines what we expect from life, in the form of satisfaction of material, spiritual, emotion, social, relation, physical health, and etc.

Back to Jaka. His belief said that he's not precious and weak. This belief makes Jaka afraid of denial. To be "safe" and "secure", this belief develops these strategies to face denial:

1. Don't let other people know you too close.
2. Always looks dapper.
3. Avoid when there's a conflict.
4. Make everyone happy, if you're not, they will deny you.
5. You must be really competent in doing something, if you're not, people will deny you.
6. There's no one who wants to hear your story. Don't share your feelings with anyone. Don't let other people know you've ever be hurt.
7. Don't ask something. There's no one who wants to give you something.
8. Take care of yourself. No one care about you.

You can see, Jaka's belief produces/creates his own rules, which becomes his compass psychology, which gives direction how he should act, behave, and interact with other people.

Each of these rules is an adaptive strategy so that he can be "safe" and "secure". He's afraid to face denial when he interact with someone because he knows that he's not precious.

Hence, in order to make Jaka feels "secure" as "not precious" human, he must protects himself. Jaka uses those rules as shield of psychology to protect himself from denial.

How's the level of achievement of Jaka's life?

By this belief, can Jaka become a success person? How's his achievement in financial, relation, communication, business, mental, emotion, and spiritual?

As the existence of feeling not precious, he'll work hard to reach honorable position. He'll trying hard to get expensive clothes, jewelry, elegant way to talk, stability of handshake with other people, warm smile, or anything that makes other people impressed and appreciate him.

He's believe that anyone who knows him close, finally will know his real personality: weak, not precious, empty, full of fear, and powerless. Because of this "feeling not precious", Jaka will try to cover it by becoming another person. He feels difficult to close to someone. He feels that he's rightly feels loneliness. He think that no one would really love himself.

A person who have low self-esteem will scorn himself. In other words, he feels that his self-image is bad. Next, this self-image becomes base of almost all of important decision that we decide in our lives. Our self-image determines the range of views, and also determines things that we fear or avoid. If our self-image full of disability and negative things, we will feel that we don't deserve to be honored. If our self-image full of ability, positive and interested things, self-confidence, the world will look so beautiful and generous, dreams becomes easily achievable.

Now, let's take a look to another case which explain the relation between belief and rule. I have a friend named Donna who has belief said "I'm incompetent".

This belief develops these strategies that aims to protect herself from "incompetent":

1. Don't make decisions openly.
2. Don't ever chase your dream openly because you won't be able to get it.
3. Don't dream too big, because if you're failed to reach them, you can be hurt.
4. You must realize that you won't get couple of life that you're expected. So, if there's someone loves you, whoever he is, don't waste this opportunity.
5. Don't try some new things, You'll be failed and ashamed because you can't do it.
6. You better not do something because you're often failed.

Let's see, Donna's rules makes a principle that she doesn't want to take risk. These rules makes Donna become incompetent. Because of Donna expect failure and also makes wrong decision, her rules makes adaptive strategies so that Donna doesn't changes anything and defends her status quo.

One more example. A girl, just called her Hani, has beliefs about "feeling unsafe and incompetent". Hani regards herself as a weak person and easily injured. She feels that she can't face something different, whether it's feelings to her own body or challenges which she faced in her life. She regards life as dangerous thing. Combination of feeling unsafe and incompetent makes Hani strengthens the following rules:

1. Don't go to unknown places. You'll be panic.
2. Don't let other people assist you. They'll ask for rewards.
3. Don't do aerobic. Because your heart will rattle fast, and it feels strange and frightening.
   
4. Don't go by plane. Because you'll feel fears of falling and height.
5. Don't go to mall. That place is crowded and full of strange people.
6. You better buy a new car because it's rarely damaged than keep driving your old car that broke down easily.

These rules has its high value. If someone violate his rules, he'll feels that he'll get disaster, feels guilty or sin. There will be some sore feelings inside his heart.

We all know that if we jump from tenth floor of a building, we'll fall down and our body will be broken. Likewise rules. If someone violate rules which set by belief, he will feels down.

Will we really be wrecked if we violate our rules? Of course not. As the one who make that rules, we reserve the right to change the rules that are not conducive. But, many people is too love their rules so they're afraid to change or violate those rules. They identify their-self by their rules.

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Behavior

If described as iceberg, behavior is the top of the iceberg that visible by our eyes. What we say, do, how we speak, behave, interact, our reactions or responses to face a problem when interacting with the world outside ourselves is called behavior. It's appear outside. What doesn't appear is "cause" behind our behavior.

That is why in this post I deliberately didn't describe much about behavior. Behavior is just result. Result appear because there's a cause. To change behavior, we must seek and find the "motor drive" of behavior. In other words, we must find "cause" or "root cause".

If we succeeded to overcome the root problem, our behavior automatically changes. Behavior is like smoke out of the husk. To be able to stop the discharge of smoke, we must delve into the husk and find the source of fire. When we successfully turn off the fire, surely there will be no more smoke out.

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Self-Talk

Self-talk is internal dialog that happens inside us. Self-talk always happens when we interact with the environment. Self-talk serves as a bridge between the world inside and outside of ourselves. Everyone always do self-talk, whether consciously or unconsciously. Deepak Chopra, in one of his books, said that everyday we talk for about 55.000-65.000 times with ourselves.

Actually, self-talk is action that we do to interpret an event. Self-talk reflects our rule. Rule comes from belief. Belief supports value.

In other words, if we often observe our self-talk, we can learn a lot about our belief system.

The best time to observe and analyze our self-talk is when our emotion flare, or when we experience the intense emotion. This emotion is the result from interpretation. Interpretation comes from our belief.

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The Important Principle of Value

To recognize and understand more about value, there are eight important principles we should know and note:

1. Value is a filter that operates in subconscious that determine our focus and how we utilize times.

According to its definitions, value is what we believe as something valuable, precious, important, or significant in our life. Value lies in subconscious mind and determine our focus. Thing that we appraise valuable or precious will get priority attention from us, while things that we appraise less valuable or precious will get less attention and it's affects our time management.

For example, I feel that reading books and keep learning as valuable things for me. Learn and read are part of actualization process of myself.

Because that things are very important for me, I will spent my times to keep reading books and studying. If there's any choice between playing playstation and reading books, what do I choose? Of course I will choose reading books. For me, playing playstation is just wasting time and useless.

But, not necessarily the same as other people. There are people who don't like to read books. They prefer to play playstation. For them, playing playstation is more important, more entertaining than reading books which just makes eyes sleepy.

Who is the most correct in this case? No one is right or wrong. Remember, value is other form of belief. Each one has different personal belief and always feels right through their own belief.

2. We're use value to evaluate action.

Value stands as mental balance. Every action always be evaluated by value. There's value which encourages us to do something. Then, action we've done will be valuated by other values.

Value is also often called as conscience by people.

For concrete example. You feel togetherness or family time is important. On the other side, you feel that giving prosperous living to your family is also important too. Then one day, you have to do business presentation in out town. If your proposal accepted, you will achieve very much money. Evidently, it's the same day with your child's birthday and you've promised to attend on his birthday party. Your child crave your presence.

What will you do? Whatever your choice, it will conduce a conflict inside yourself. If you decide to do business presentation in out town, how's your feeling to your child and family? Surely, there's a guilt, isn't it? Especially when you're call him and give happy birthday greeting, your child's crying sad because you're not attend beside him to celebrate the important moment in his life.

On the contrary, if you decide to attend on your child birthday party, you won't do business presentation and you miss a big opportunity to produce much money, how's your feeling? Surely, there's deep regret because you're miss it. Besides, the obtained money will also be used for the welfare of your family.

Essentially, if you feel there's a conflict inside yourself, that's the sign of value's conflict.

3. Value is source of motivation.

Motivation is feeling of enthusiasm, interest, encouragement, or commitment to make someone wants to do something. What can make us motivated to do something? Anything that we feel as very important, valuable, valuable, or significant, will be the source of intrinsic motivation that never off.

4. Value arranged in a hierarchy.

Have you ever face a difficult condition when you have to make a choice of two things that you feel both of them are equal importance?

After considering and thinking, finally you make a decision. What do you think and how do you consider which one is the more important so that you decide to choose one of two choices?

When you're confused to decide a choice, you experienced value's conflict. What caused this value's conflict? Because your value of those two choices are equal importance.

But, at the other time, have you ever faced with two choices, but you can make a decision very quickly?

I'm sure you have. Why you can decide quickly? Because your value of those two choices occupy hierarchy that has different level.

For concrete example. Your parents got dangerous disease. You have fairy pill that can heal their disease. The problem is you're only have one fairy pill. To whom you will give this fairy pill? Your dad or mom? Can you feel how difficult it is to make decisions in a situation like this?

Why it's difficult? Because for most people, mom and dad are equal importance.

The situation would be different if evidently your dad (or mom) and your friend who are got that disease. To whom you will give the fairy pill? Of course you'll give to your dad or mom. Why it's not your friend? Because inside your hierarchy value, parents occupy higher level than your friend. In other words, parents more valuable or more precious than your friend.

5. Value can cause a self-conflict

Self-conflict -- like what I describe above -- occur because we're not clearly specify hierarchy of value.

This self-conflict will be main obstacle in achieving success of a life goal.

Many people underestimate this self-conflict. I'll explain about self-conflict separately.

6. Value can be changed

Along with the development of intellectual, mental, emotional, and spiritual, we're also experiencing growth and development of value. Something in the past which we felt important, can be not important anymore now. Also on the contrary, something in the past which we felt not important, evidently become so important now.

7. Belief follow value that we hold.

Each value is always supported by a group of belief that are in accordance with value. A few times ago, I had a dinner with my friend that a vegetarian a.k.a ciak jhai. When I was be asked, "Farlo, can you eat vegetarian foods?" "Of course I can. I'm a chiak jing jhai too" I answered. "What is chiak jing hai?" He asked me with confused face. "Ah, it's jing jhai-jing jhai chiak a.k.a omnivora a.k.a can eat anything" I answered with smile.

I know, there's should be a reason that cause my friend decide to become a vegetarian. There's should be certain value that become his motivation source. Then I look for his value.

Evidently, his value is in accordance with his dogma. In other words, the reason why he decide to become a vegetarian is avoid the occurrence of living beings murder.

What belief which underlie that value? His belief is each living beings has its own life and they have right to live. No one may take the life of living beings, whatever the reason is. The one who may take the life of living beings is the one who give them this life, he's God. God is kind and never teach us to killing other living beings. And many other beliefs which supported that value.

8. Every area of life has its own value.

We have very much value. At every aspect of life, there's a value which used as a guidance. Those aspect of life consist of spiritual, financial, wealth, social, recreation, carrier/business, self-development, and relationship.

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